Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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