You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I checked into jail on foursquare
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think people are normalizing furries
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
