You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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