you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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