Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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