Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
