I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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