butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
