omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
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He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
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I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize