He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
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I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
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SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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