Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
