He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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