This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
