He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
FUCK WHALES
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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