3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
