i don't like sucking hair
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
