WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
