Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
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