I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
