Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
