A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
