wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
