I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
