This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
