they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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