if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
