I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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