he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
