I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Randomize
