He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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