im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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