My pussy is not your playground.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
