I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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