id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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