if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
