I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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