ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
