Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
honey bunches of taint.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He did a backflip because drugs
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
