I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
