Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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