The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
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