you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
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