ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
