Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
