Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
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Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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