it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
