and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Buhtt sex?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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