I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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