Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
