take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
