I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
