i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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