Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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