fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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