matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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