Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
