Barsexuality is the new black.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
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my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
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He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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