I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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