dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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