new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
