he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
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