I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
