I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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