I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So much rum. So many feels.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
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