i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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