totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
