every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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