i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
