Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
