She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
